Reflection

Having a blog has mostly taught me that I am not good at having a blog. I never had time to submit anything interesting like I see in other blogs that I stumble upon from time to time. I used mine as a dumping ground for whatever was in my head at the time. I don't think it increased my fluency because I have been journaling my entire life and have never had a problem with making words flow out of me when I need them to. I didn't really like the blog because it turned into a journal online and there aren't too many things I want to share with the internet. I actually really hate the internet and have been making a point in my life to have less to do with it. Having a blog, even though it was required, felt incredibly counterproductive in that goal. I actually plan to delete this and never look back once the class is over. I have no use for this, and don't want it hanging around google attached to my name.
I frequently forgot to blog, which is obvious because this reflection was due last night and I completely forgot about it until this morning. I don't even know if I will be able to turn it in but I'm trying anyway just in case. I don't want to complain about the structure or content of the class anymore, because this blog was largely complaints. I guess that is another thing blogging brought out in me. An ability to dump out all the frustration and annoyances of the day. I don't have time to maintain much of a social life and the blog became a sounding board of my irritation. A way to release all the things that were bothering me out into oblivion. It was also just a bunch of brain garbage. Like right now. I have literally just been sitting here typing out everything that flows through  my head. I haven't stopped once other than to jump up and chase my son a couple of times. How's that for fluency? I can't really give the blog credit for that because I've been doing it since the start. How long is this thing supposed to be? I don't remember. I don't really want to stop and look either because this thing is late anyway. Surely this is long enough. Smell you later blogging.

Fire

What a day I have had. I made an appointment for my son this morning. When I got to the doctors office a prerecorded voice over the intercom system kept repeating "Attention: Dr. Red, Fourth Floor". I know enough to know that isn't a good thing. Yet when I looked around  me I saw seated patients waiting around, nurses and receptionists standing around gabbing about weekend plans and cartoons cheerfully playing on the TV. I decide to stand up and leave because I don't want to find out what a page for "Dr. Red" stands for when some sort of administrator comes out and says "I don't know if this is a drill or not, but I think we need to evacuate"
Let me point out all the things wrong with this.
1. If its a drill, you flunk. Hard. This alarm was going off when I walked in the door, and didn't stop throughout check in, and asking to be seated. Every employee in Smith Glenn Calloway Pediatrics straight up ignored a fire alarm for at least over 5 minutes.
2. It wasn't a drill. There was a fire upstairs. As I walked out the door a fire truck was pulling in to the parking lot. Extra fail.
3. Super deluxe failure status- I was one of the first people out of the building. Tons more trickled out long after I did. I don't even know how long the alarm was going off and I was probably the last to come in, but the first one out. The alarm went off long enough for the fire department to ARRIVE as I was walking out the door. That isn't very promising.
It wasn't a huge inferno or anything and it was resolved in about 45 minutes but if it had been some other sort of emergency I now have a pretty good idea of how Mercy staff will handle it: By standing around doing nothing. That's pretty scary considering they are medical personnel responsible for the care of patients. It's only a matter of time before we all have Ebola at this rate.

Panic

I need to study for my test, which is tomorrow, and I haven't had time. I have been trying to complete other homework like a madwoman with no success, because my baby is sick, and I am not feeling so hot either. I think we have a virus from those god damn mosquito bites. I got my grade back on my lab practical and I didn't do as well as I wanted. Got my first C. I've never even gotten a B on a test and I tanked on this chapter, which is really discouraging because I have no time to study, I am nauseated and tired and now the time I had to study in the morning is occupied by a doctor's appointment. I'm having a panic attack. I feel like I am somewhere between crying and throwing up. This isn't even that big of a deal but I am so not coping with it right now. I don't want to look at this screen anymore. I don't want to take a test tomorrow. I want to lay down and read a book to relax and get a restful night of sleep but I still have so much to do and a poor sick baby to monitor on top of it. I have to just hurry and do this. I have to hurry and do the other thing for this class too. I think its due tomorrow maybe but I have other schoolwork to do tomorrow and I have no idea what the doctor is going to say so I need to be able to compensate for that as well. Oh God this is miserable. I just want to do well and get stuff done but I feel like I am running myself ragged. I want to go back in time to 18 year old Kayla and shake her. Tell her to stay in school and get everything done while you don't have a child and spare time galore. Tell her that whatever idea that made her think that she didn't need to be in school and could get through life just fine is completely wrong and to save herself some trouble and do all of that shit NOW.

Mosquito Bites

My son and I are both covered in angry red mosquito bites. It is completely miserable. I will be so glad when summer is over and there are no stupid mosquitos. I took my lab practical today and have no idea how I did, and now I get to obsess over blackboard checking for my score every day until its posted. I don't think I did that great. I have been really out of whack lately. I need to find a good routine and get back into it. I kindof let everything go for awhile and it blew up in my face. Hopefully once we are moved into the new house everything will kind of smooth out for awhile. Who knows. Anyway. My legs itch and feel so achy and swollen I just want to sit in a hot salt water bath or something. I have no idea if it would even help but anything is better than sitting here itching and aching. I just reached up and rubbed my eyes, then remembered that I actually wore eyeliner today,. Im guessing I look like a raccoon now. hbjgyulasjhfdv, xcdzb << That would be my son climbing on to the bed and throwing himself on the keyboard. He loves to press buttons and smash on the keyboard. This poor laptop has been smashed on, stood on, drooled on, spilled milk on and everything in between and its less than a year old. It's truly a marvel of technology that it still works without issue. I need to write Toshiba a thank you letter for making such a durable laptop. Now that I have said all this I'm sure it will end up busted in the floor by the end of the night.. That's just my luck.