UhOh

I went a full two days without blogging. I got sick with some weird stomach thing and totally forgot. I am really not great at keeping up with this stuff. Now I'm sitting here trying to think of something to write about but Im kindof blank. I just woke up from a nap on the couch. I'm pretty sure I still have pillow marks in my cheek from sleeping so hard so my brain is really fuzzy. I need to be studying for my lab practical tomorrow. I don't even know where to start. Well, I know where to start- I have a pretty decent study guide, but I don't know how to start I guess. I am in that special vapor lock that comes with being really out of my routine. Feeling crappy for the last 2 days and trying to function on the motherhood levels alone really took it out of me. My dad is visiting and he is chatting my ear off while I am trying to do this and that is extra distracting. Plus I keep jumping up because my son is still asleep on the couch and I am afraid he is going to roll off into the floor now that I'm not there to serve as a safety rail. I don't know. The washing machine is out of balance and I'm hungry. I really don't want to be sitting here doing this but click click click here I go just waiting for the words on the page to stack up and look long enough that I am confident I have filled the 300 word requirement. I really really need to be studying. I'll finish this and then laundry will be done in the dryer. That leads to folding clothes, then its dinner time, then we eat. Then I give Everett his bath, then he wants to run around and play in whatever Im doing, then its time for bed, and once he is in bed I am either exhausted or all the lights are out and I have to hunch over the glow of my laptop to get anything done. uuggghhhhh.

Online Shopping

I'm not really what you would consider a "crunchy" parent- but I do still breastfeed my 16 month old and I cloth diaper. I chose to cloth diaper because it reduces the amount of dirty diapers festering away in landfills for the next million years and it is very budget friendly... if you can keep away from online boutiques constantly coming out with new adorable prints. I managed to do this. I built my giant stash of diapers out of basic, "china cheapies" meaning single color simple pocket diapers that cost around 5 bucks a piece, shipped for free from china. Then it happened. I bought the Holstein cow print Kawaii Goodnight Heavy Wetters diaper I have been pining over since laying eyes on it months ago. The trap was set, and I fell in,
You don't need to buy all those prints, Kayla. He wears pants over them, Kayla. He is just going to POOP in them, Kayla.
Don't care. Must have all the cute. I am a woman obsessed. Poring over eBay auctions and shouting OH NO YOU DIDN'T when I am outbid on the cute minky green diaper with white reindeer. Christmas is coming! Oh look! A camo one! I love the way this one fits. Let me buy all the other prints too! Now I find myself thinking of getting rid of my cheapies to clear the way for the new, fun diapers. My poor cheapies. They got me through thick and thin when I was broke starting out. My barely present coparent that helps with next to nothing anyway didn't support my choice to use cloth, but would also constantly neglect to help me out getting disposable ones. Look at me, ready to toss them out for new flashy diapers. I tell myself that once these come in I am done. I have plenty and potty training could be right around the corner anyway. We'll see how that works out for me.

Friday

Today has been about as backwards as it gets. Im a bit of a routine person and I wrecked it. I didn't go to class today and instead spent the entire morning and afternoon going to yard sales with my mom and son. I felt so much guilt over neglecting my class that I almost didn't even enjoy myself. I kept looking at the clock thinking "I should be parking right now... I would still have 20 minutes of lecture... I should be leaving now... I would just now be getting home". Playing hooky doesn't suit me. I know better- but sometimes you just have to enjoy a pretty day with your family. Im sitting in bed now, thinking about eating some leftovers but also noticing that it is almost 11 and not really a prime time to eat a bunch of chinese food. Who am I kidding. It will be a miracle if I finish this post without stopping to go to the fridge. It will also be a miracle if I manage to keep most of my skin intact by bedtime. The mosquitos are having a last hurrah at my house and trying to be outside in the evenings is almost unbearable. I didn't notice it too much but I stopped to swat one off my horses neck only to look down and discover 3 of the bastards feasting on my arm. Naturally they were all over my legs and the back of my neck too. I will be a walking itchy whelp for the next few days. I hope the weather stays warm enough to wear shorts because the thought of jeans rubbing all these bites makes me consider amputation. I have only just recovered from getting into a bunch of seed ticks out in the woods last week. I welcome chilly bug killing weather. Or a bunch of bats and dragonflies eating them all. I joked all summer about turning the barn into "Kayla's Home for Wayward Bats" to combat our horrible mosquito problem. I think I'm done here. I need to go tape some oven mitts on my hands so I don't claw myself to ribbons.

Tired Kayla is Tired

I fell asleep last night without blogging, so I can't decide whether to post twice today. or just skip it and say oh well. I guess I'll make that choice as I settle down this evening. I have been on fire doing homework today. I want to say its because I am so motivated, but the only thing I am motivated by is the lack of time I have to complete it. I picked up a book to read for recreation and when the house is quiet and my son is asleep I have started replacing homework time with reading time. Bad Kayla. There are so many things I want to give my time to but never can. I love to crochet and have had plans to make another blanket for... oh I dont know... about a year now- but since my son became mobile it takes a miracle for me to get even bare minimum requirements done. Being a single mom doesn't leave a lot of leisure time. It's really frustrating because his dad only sees him an hour a week and he wants to act like he is over his head busy all the time. Scoff. Boy you don't know what busy is. Anyway. I have spent so much time today hunched over my computer I feel like some sort of horrible gremlin. When I get up to chase my son around I feel like I have been riding in a car all day from being stove up at my desk. I don't envy anyone that has to sit staring at a screen all day. It's not natural. My goal is to commit this entire day to my homework load so that when the weekend rolls around all I have to do is things I want to do. Last weekend was a homework nightmare. I have big tests and lab practicals next week and already need to spend a chunk of saturday at open lab so I really don't want to be fooling with anything else.

Barking Dogs

I don't know how they can stand it. It's one of those magical nights that my parent's dogs are barking their brains out at seemingly nothing. No matter how often I get up to squint at my dark backyard or bang on the windows begging them to shut up- nothing. Just 3 dogs, ears up, barking into oblivion. One of them isn't even bothering to leave her dog house. It could be the neighbors outside having a party like they so frequently do. It could be a coyote or stray dog running around just out of my sight tormenting them. Or maybe they just like to hear themselves make noise. I think its the latter. Regardless of the reason it makes me wish they were cats. I can tune a lot of noises out, but I can't ignore an incessantly barking dog. It makes my blood pressure go up. For one thing it's terribly annoying and secondly its stressful. What the hell are they barking at? Is it an ax murderer? Are we about to have a massive earthquake? Has hell run out of room so now the dead walk the earth and my dutiful Shepard dogs are just trying to warn me? Who freaking knows. Not me. I have a test to study for and a reading guide to complete but everything is punctuated by barking. I can't keep a smooth ribbon of thought going. Even this post is difficult. I'm BARK typing along and BARK BARK BARK. It sBARK stops me in my BARK tracks eBARRARRRARRK every BARARK time. Its like having the hiccups. When everything is still you sit there and wait for the next one. It's about to drive me completely insane. It has wound down to one dog barking. The others gave up. It's down to my brother's dog Maggie. Maggie doesn't like to be outside at night, however, she loves to void her bowels and bladder in creative places all over the house. She now goes outside at night. Why not put her in a crate instead? She whines and howls and digs at it, then poops in it anyway. Why not let her out more often? You try setting an alarm to get up every hour on the hour to let a dog out that doesn't want to go out and goes in the floor anyway. She is a serial pooper. She has jumped in laundry baskets to poop, pooped in my brother's lego container, pooped in the bathtub, peed or pooped on every rug in the house to the point that there are no longer any rugs anywhere in this house. She also jumps on to kitchen counter tops to gobble dinner off the stove, and strings trash can contents all over the house. I really can't imagine my parents bringing home a worse dog for a 9 year old boy to get desperately attached to, so they are stuck with her, and when I am here to visit- so am I. I cope by complaining at length to anyone that will sit still and listen and presenting lists of no kill shelters to my mother.

Im making this post on my phone in the dark. I drifted off while reading and shortly after woke up with one of my lovely night time panic attacks. I need the distraction as well as the participation points so here I am. It's difficult to come up with something to talk about whIle I squirm around in discomfort,  sweat dampening my sheets and the rapid, forceful contractions of my heart demanding my attention. The more I get my bearings the better I feel but at the same time I am also feeling more alert and awake. Which isn't so great. It's a cool night with crickets chirping at a pleasant distance. I would very much like to drift off to sleep again. I would also very much like a drink of water. Now I go off in search of both water and sleep

Basic

I ate a pumpkin spice donut today and put a pumpkin spice scented disc in my warmer today. Typical basic fall stuff. I've got the windows open and the fan on. It's too chilly in my room. Im shivering but under the blanket feels like heaven. I think I will leave it open and sleep this way. Hauling myself out of bed in a cold room will be future Kayla's problem. My son is asleep next to me and he looks so cute when he's sleeping. It's so hard not to kiss his little face every 3 seconds. I have woken him up on accident so many times because I couldn't help smooching that little face. I rearranged furniture and hung some new curtains this weekend and it is such a pleasant change. I love making things different in the house. I sleep better at night if I can alter my surroundings now and then. Things get stagnant when they are left the same way too long. I always hated moving in to a house that is laid out in such a way that your furniture only fits in one direction. I need to trim my fingernails. They are getting too long and causing typos. I hate how they feel jamming and sliding around on the keys. They grow so fast though I have to cut them like every week or I get claws. I wish my hair grew as fast as my nails. I wouldn't still be struggling to grow out my pixie cut from almost a year ago. Ugh is this thing at 300 words yet? I want to have a snack and read a little before bed. I kindof hate this blogging thing. I used to be able to bust my ass and get a night a week without any school work whatsoever but  now  I always have to stop what I am doing and blog. Surely this is close enough.